Weekly Photo Challenge – Resolved 2. Evaluate your own happiness.
Resolution 2. Resolve to evaluate your own happiness and change what you need to change. One I will continue to follow and I will tell you why….
Wow. Second year in a row where the winter has descended upon me and I have not been blanketed in a cloak of what I can only describe as awfulness. Second years of no winter blues that in the past I have blamed upon the weather.
I can’t even articulate those feeling now, even though they hit me hard pretty much every year for many years. All I know is that is the second year that it has not hit me or come even close.
I can only attribute this to the fact that a few years ago I made some hard cold decisions regarding people in my life. I chose to remove myself from a relationship that was suffocating me as an individual firstly. This was the first time I think I had ever put my own feelings before that of another persons and had realised that how I was being treated was not acceptable for me. For a people pleaser such as I was this was an unexpected strange step for me to come to terms with. Then about a year and a half after I made that decision a very, very small handful of friendships that I had held in high esteem began to unravel.
I don’t think that I was aware at the time that it was meant to happen to get to the next phase of my life because when it did happen it hurt me deeply. I retaliated and said things that in many ways I now find regretful. I wish I had walked away from that with a little more dignity but sometimes you simply just can’t. It really depends on what you are dealing with at the time. That you notch down to experience and a large dose of “I will deal with crap like that better next time.” I have learnt by that.
Then I made hard decisions about where I needed to be to feel at peace and live the kind of life that I wanted to live and I did it. I still cannot quite believe that I did that. It was stupid brave for someone like me. I gave up my job, I moved to where I thought “This is where I need to be, this is peace, happiness and a whole new chapter in my life.” I still have to pinch myself that I just did that, almost beyond reckless for someone like me.
Two winters later as I write this I have not one regret. I am working in an area that I love. I know that I have absolutely made the right choices. I am happier than I have ever been in over 10 years. 10 years is a long time being unhappy and just accepting it. From saying yes and laughing at everyone’s jokes and trying too hard to be liked and accepted, wanted or needed. I walked away from that realising for the first time in a long time that you really do not have to try that hard. All I really needed to do was be myself.
Now I am at really at peace. I find myself surrounded by creative people . People who actually like things about other people and what they can achieve. They don’t seem to gossip about them and find the bad in every person and every situation. I now know people who inspire me daily, unearth the depths that was in my heart over 10 years ago that I had buried. That is not bad at all.
I have more in common with the people in my life now than anyone I have known for a very long time except for my very closest friends from my old life who will always remain lifelong friends. (Don’t get me wrong, those awful people who gossip and hate still exist in my new life. I just know how to spot them and avoid them now.)
I guess my second resolution post is evaluate your own happiness. If you are wholly happy then you are fine. If you are not then never be too scared to make the changes that you need to make to even getting closer to that. If something feels wrong. Generally it is wrong.