New Section – Conversations with my pets #1. Belle does not want to live with gangly big dog.

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Because I want to take more photo’s of animals in general I thought I would let you know that I have out loud conversations with them all the time, these conversations are obviously one-sided so I thought for a bit of fun I would include what I think their dialog with me would be if we were to have a real conversation along with some photo’s of my pets both of whom are adorable in their own ways.

The following was me trying to get my cat in last night at almost 12, sat on my patio with her refusing to come in while the new dog was there. I did get her in eventually and trust me I talked to her a lot about the new doggy like some mad woman before I eventually tricked her with food and climbing through windows.

‘Belle, come in now it is getting late, and cold’

‘I don’t want a big dog that might eat me in my rightful home’

‘He isn’t interested in you. You really do have a huge sense of your own self-importance don’t you?’

‘I don’t know what you mean, I am just the only thing that should exist in your world, and now there is this big smelly gangly thing in my house that may eat me, I hate him’

‘You don’t know him, he may be quite nice, if you gave him a chance I think you would like him’

‘I will never stop hating him for as long as I live. I have 7 lives and as each one ends I will hate him even more’

‘He doesn’t even look at you’

‘How dare he not look at me!’

‘He does not want to eat you’

‘How dare he not want to eat me! How could anything not want to eat me, look at me I am amazing. I am a chunky ball of perfectness. Anything that comes across me should want to eat me’

‘Please come inside’

‘No’

Why not? We have already established that he will not eat you and that he is not interested in you’

‘I am Cat, and my ways have no bounds and no reason and you shalt bow down by me before I chose if I shalt enter your establishment of warmth and safe…And even I chose to come in (and it is a big IF) I will continue to judge you and give you the dirty eye as and when I see fit. Plus I am not coming in whilst that streaky piece of p*ss is there’

‘Food?’

‘Ok, but just this once. By the way. Don’t even think you can trick me a second time by sliding out of the lounge window and closing the back door on me once I am inside eating’

‘Yea, I don’t really want to do that again. Was a fecking pain in the arse to get back in through it and the dogs next door went mental. It’s not like I was even trying to get back into their house or anything. Still good to know if anyone ever tries to burgle us’

‘Right I will come in but feck you for getting me back in to warmth and comfort and food, I hate you’

‘I love you too, you ungrateful b*stard’

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9 thoughts on “New Section – Conversations with my pets #1. Belle does not want to live with gangly big dog.

  1. That sounds fairly similar to conversations I have with my cat (also called Belle) in regards to both our other cat (Sara) and now the little prince… Cats are such wondrous things.

      • Of course not. I love them because they are unpredictable and feisty. You never know if that tummy they are offering you will lead to purring bliss or a raging torrent of claws and teeth.

  2. My conversations with cats usually run along the lines of: “Get off my effin’ computer y’ fat cretin!” “Outside! Outside! You’ve been out there all day! Why’d y’ have to come inside to take a dump!?” “That’s my toe you evil little swine!” “Cat? Why what’s she up tooOAOAAARGH! Get it off my head!” “I’ve just bought you a freshly cooked roast chicken and you’d rather eat a manky old sausage from next door’s bin!?”

  3. Pingback: Conversations with my pets – Life with rescue animals | merleytwister

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